He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
