called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
