Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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