I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize