Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize