sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize