It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
