That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
