so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
