At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
