Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
