Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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