Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize