Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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