You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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