I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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