Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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