1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
