haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
