screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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