i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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