My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
