He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
