what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
