did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
