we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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