apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
