i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
