my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
