bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
