Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
