he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
