I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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