Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
