return my video game
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
