My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
