Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
