it wasn't lemon gatorade
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
