Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
