Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
