My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
high people should be assigned attendants
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
