Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
