How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
