yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
