She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize