I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
