it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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