just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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