His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize