is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
