You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
