I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
