Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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