Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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