I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize