I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
