we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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