she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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