i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
