The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
