I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
