i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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