ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
worst night to have a conscience
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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