Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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