I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
