did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
