After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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