my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
