just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
