Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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