She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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