i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
