I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
