no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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