for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
